Give and Take
by overcrowdedbookshelf
Summary: Dean looked pissed. There was practically steam coming out of his ears, I saw the barely controlled raged in his eyes. The last time I had seen him like that it had been directed at me, after my attempt at eternal peace a year ago.- gender bend! Cas


My step-sister threw a pillow at me, I glared at her for waking me up, "Its three o'clock." she told me.

"What!" I said completely awake now, did I really just sleep through the whole day? Then I glanced at my clock, it said 9:05 a.m. "I'm going to kill you for waking me up this early." I said as I rolled out of bed and looked across the room into my mirror. I'm surprised it didn't break.

Hail just rolled her eyes, "I'm leaving for work and you told me to wake you up." she left the room and I lay back down, but there was no way I was going to be able to sleep now. My stepsister called from the other room, "Mom left you pancakes."

That perked me up enough to get up out of the bed; I walked into the kitchen, "Where are they?" I asked her.

She pointed to her stomach, "They were delicious!" Hail picked up her keys.

"I hope you get locked in the freezer." I yelled at her.

She yelled back at me, "I hope somebody comes and murders you." she slammed the door behind her. I threw a plate at the wall and it shattered into a thousand pieces.

There was a knock on the door, and then it opened. Dean was just in time to calm me down. He starred down at the broken plate, "Rough morning?" I was in no mood to chat so I turned and went to my room, he followed, "Cas, do you want me to clean it up?" he said when he closed the door to my room.

"No. I want Hail to choke on it." my voice came out muffled because I was in my closet looking for normal clothes, a pair of old cut offs and a t-shirt that's a little too big. I came out and looked at Dean sitting on my bed, he was so gorgeous, I had no idea why he chose to hang out with me almost every day. His tan skin, so smooth, and his dark hair, so cute and short, and his clothes weren't bought from thrift stores.

He came over and picked me up in a hug, "Just don't let her get to you, she's white trash."

"And what am I?" I asked when he let me back down.

He knew where I was going with this, we had this talk often enough he knew what I was going to say before I did. "You're a girl who is forced to live with white trash, but you are not, you're too kind, and smart, and beautiful."

He had never said that last part before, and he realized it the same time I did.

"Just remember after this year we're going to the city, me and you against the world." he finished quickly.

The front door banged open then slammed closed; "CASTIEL!" my step dad must have come home and saw the broken plate.

"Quick hide!" he crawled under my bed and I couldn't see him anymore so that was good. I worried about my stepdad seeing him and telling my mother, she loved me and would do anything for me, but having boys over when I was home alone was defiantly not allowed. Even though Dean and I where never going to be anything, he had already made that very clear.

My stepdad came into my room and I could smell the alcohol on him, "Why is there a broken plate right next to the front door?" he asked me.

"I'll go clean it up." I tried to get past him but he shoved me back in front of him.

"I asked you a question and I expect you to answer it." he came closer to me and I knew it was time to calm him down before he started to get violent.

"Hail said-"

"I don't care about what my beautiful daughter said I want to her what you have to say. And if you try and blame this on her I will give you the beating of your life."

I shivered and hopped he didn't see it, and I hoped that Dean didn't either, but I was sure he was watching all this with a fire in his eyes. Dean hated him more than I did, and that was saying something. "I accidentally broke it; I was just putting on more decent clothes so I could take the pieces outside in the trash."

I could see the drunk trying to figure out if what I was say true but he was too stupid to understand anything. He walked back out of my room and into to the living room to watch some TV.

Dean crawled back out from under my bed; he looked down and picked something off his boot. He held up a pair of my underwear, "I thought hello kitty was too girly for you." my face turned bright red and I snatched them away from him.

He laughed quietly as I put them away, "Shut up Mr. SpongeBob boxers." I told him. He held his sides, trying not to laugh loud.

I grabbed my shoes and opened the window for him, "I'll meet you out front." after he was gone I closed the window and walked into the living room, my stepdad was sitting in the recliner with another beer in his hand. He didn't even see me as I stepped into our shabby kitchen. The plate had already been cleaned and I knew who had done it.

I stomped outside and found Dean dumping the shards into the garbage bin next to the street. "I was going to do that, you didn't have to. And you could have been seen."

He just shrugged his shoulders.

Up ahead I saw Lucifer and his 'gang' sitting on the curb outside his house. "Great," I pulled up my hair and started to head the other way, "let's go this way; I don't have the energy today."

Dean stopped me and grabbed my arm, "But where we're going it will be easier to just go this way. I won't let them hassle you."

I didn't believe that but I let him walk me down the opposite side of the road, we actually did make it past them. Nevertheless, as soon as my ass was in their view they wolf whistled at me. Dean's hand tightened on my arm, and I hopped he wouldn't fight them again.

"Hey girly come over here and have a seat," he patted his lap, "I have something for you." Lucifer's eyes traveled over my body and I wished I would have worn more clothes. Like a fire fighter suit, and mask.

Dean glared over at them with disdain, "She already has plans, and I don't think she would change them to hang out with the likes of you."

Oh no, I thought, can't I get one day off?

Lucifer and his crew got up and swaggered our way, "I think the girl can think for herself."

Dean took his hand off mine and stepped in front of me, "She already did."

I stepped out from behind him and between the two boys. "Come on guys, not today."

Lucifer pulled me into him and I could smell the smoke on him, and not the nicotine kind. "Aw why not baby, we're only teasing. Right Dean?" he put his hand on Dean's shoulder.

Dean tensed, "Get your hand off me, step away from Castiel, and leave."

Lucifer's crew laughed, "Sure thing." he took his hand off Dean and stepped away, still holding onto me.

Dean punched Lucifer and he shoved me to the ground, my hair came loose and fell all around me. I scrapped my knees, blood running from one. Lucifer was doubled over from pain and his friends looked lost, they weren't going to fight Dean again, they knew he could beat them. However, Lucifer wasn't done, he grabbed a hold of me and held me in front of him, his switchblade against my side, blood trickled down into my shoe, staining it forever.

I went pale and Dean just stared at him in shock, "Lucifer things don't have to be like this." I felt Lucifer's hands shake and I knew that he had made a mistake, but there was no going back from this one, it was either commit, or run.

I have never seen Lucifer run before.

He pressed the blade deeper into my stomach, drawing blood. My knees gave out and I sagged against him, I would have fallen to the ground but his hand on my arm was so tight.

Dean looked pissed. There was practically steam coming out of his ears, I saw the barely controlled raged in his eyes. The last time I had seen him like that it had been directed at me, after my attempt at eternal peace a year ago. It was down by the train tracts, I could have just ended it, and no one would have mourned. Then this person standing taller than six feet came barreling out of nowhere, he tackled me out of the way of the oncoming train and it flashed by in the blink of an eye. I would have been so fast, so painless.

After the train was long gone, I still laid in the grass, too numb to think. And when I looked up at him, I saw the same rage in his eyes as I do now.

Last time I had been completely calm in the storm, but now adrenalin ran through my veins and I could feel Lucifer's breath on the back of my neck. It pissed me off that others where always controlling me, always defending me, always tormenting me. I wanted to do something by myself, take care of myself. And I wanted to start now.

I whirled around to face Lucifer and I took him by surprise when I pressed my lips to his. His blade fell to the ground, and he gripped the back of my head, I did the only thing that seemed natural, I brought my knee up and hit him where the sun don't shine. He pushed me away and grabbed his junk, "You bitch." he spat at me.

"Apologize." I heard Dean's voice right behind me and I jumped.

Johnny chuckled, still holding himself, "Bitch better watch herself, after the first taste I'll just want more."

"Apologize." Dean said again, his voice grew more menacing, he stepped around me and towed over Lucifer.

He looked over at me, with a sneer on his face, "Sorry."

"Thanks so much, you guys have ruined my day. Again." I stalked off further down the street until I was at Broadway in downtown. I could hear Dean behind me, his shadow right behind mine.

"You can't go anywhere looking like that," he said to me.

"Why the hell not? It's your fault."

He looked genially surprised, "My fault? My fault that those G-rated criminals come after you day after day? Oh yeah I can totally see why me defending you would be like that. Thanks for the gratitude."

I rolled my eyes at him, "I told you to walk the other way with me, and you said that you would not let them hassle me. You lied. Your fault."

"God Cas! You're so simple minded." I stepped back away from him, I hated it, absolutely hated it when people called me dumb. "Cas that came out wrong. It's not what I meant."

"What did you mean? Am I some little pet that can't think for herself and has to be treated with great care or she will cause herself harm?"

He grabbed my shoulders and directed me to a spot by the trees, "I wasn't even thinking about that night."

"Don't you ever wonder why I wanted to end it? Why I was so willing to stand in front of that train?"

"I just assumed it had to do with your step dad."

"No it was because I was too trusting." I was sitting on the ground now, my head resting on my hands. "Lucifer and I use to be friends, before he fell into that crowd," I heard Dean curse under his breath, but I was lost in thought and I had never told anyone this before, "It was kind of like me and you except I was the one always cheering up him. He had a lot of trouble at home, his dad constantly beat him and his mom was always too fried to care. Well one day he came into my room unannounced late at night. He was drunk and he said that he wanted to die; he told me that he was going down to the river and he was going to get lost in the current. Then he stumbled down the road, I was chasing him, telling him that his life was worth it. I told him that he was my brother.

"That's when he turned on me, we were in the trees and he slapped me, actually slapped me. I was too stunned to notice anything else, I guess I should've have seen it coming then, but all I was thinking was that I had to protect him." I laughed dryly as the memories played before my eyes. "Then Lucifer wrapped his hands around my neck, he was saying that he didn't want to be my brother, he wanted more, and he wanted me. Then he took it, I passed out, and when I woke up he was gone and I remembered that the trains came racing through our small town.

"The next day I smiled and acted as normal as I could, everyone asked where was Lucifer and I told them he was with his mother. They bought it, they didn't see the tears in my eyes, or hear the crack in my voice. When my mom left for work, I hugged her and told her I loved her and that she was the best mother I could have ever hoped for. She laughed and told me to go to sleep and that I would see her in the morning, even though I knew I would never see her again. I didn't have any words to say to my stepdad or Hail so I went to my room. The train wouldn't come for an hour but that was good, I needed time to ready myself."

Dean's hand on my arm stopped me from continuing, "Cas," his voice was quiet and I thought of where I left off, I knew he didn't want me to keep talking so I drifted off into those memories, wishing that I could never had met Dean.

I brushed my hair and put on makeup. I picked up my favorite dress, the white one with the red bodice, Hail came into the room, "What are you getting dressed up for?" she asked with a sneer on her lips. I just smiled at her and closed the front door behind me, my heels clicked on the sidewalk, the background music to my end, the air was crisp and I remember shivering and wishing I had brought my trenchcoat. Then I heard the distant whistle of an approaching train and I stepped onto the tracts. Then a body slammed into mine and I felt the ground beneath me, I couldn't breathe. Somehow, my body continues going, kept pumping blood into my wretched heart.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Dean shouted, his eyes looked like full-fledged rage.

I just lay there thinking about how painless it would have been, how nobody would have cried. Lucifer would have been happy; I could never rat on him if I was dead. My mother might have been sad, but she had Hail. I even think my stepdad would have been overjoyed. "Do you have a name?" Dean asked me.

"Why stop me?" I responded.

"I can't just let somebody kill themselves, nothing could be that bad." I physically flinched, and he saw it. "What's your name?" he said gently, his hand rested lightly on my cheek.

"I am nobody." I started to lose consciousness then. I probably would have fallen if I weren't already lying on the ground.

"Your name." he pleaded.

My eyes closed and I could barely focus my thoughts, "…Cas…"

And that was all I could remember before waking up in Dean's apartment.

Everything was neat and tidy; it barely looked like anyone was living there. There were no dishes in the sink, and the cabinets were bare. I sat up and my side hurt. Then the memories from the night before came rushing back, "Damn it!"

Dean came rushing in the room and looked at me, "What's wrong?" he asked.

I covered my face with my hands, "I'm not dead." Dean glared at me and sat down beside me.

"You're welcome."

"You had no right to stop me! It was my decision, I wanted this life to be over with and I was ready to do it!"

"I had every right to. I couldn't just stand by and let someone kill herself. I don't even know you, and I know that your life is worth more than that. Whatever is going on now will get better. People in your life come and go, no one has any right to make you feel this way and if someone ever makes you feel this way again just punch them. I swear it will make you feel a lot better. Don't just give up. I know things can get pretty bad, I've been there, just the best thing to do is to suck it to and go on. Believe me life gets better." Luke looked at me again and I somewhat smiled at him, but it was a sad smile.

"If only I could believe that." My hands started to shake; I clenched them together in my lap. "Don't get me wrong, I am grateful that you saved me last night. But now I can't even go through my normal everyday life. The people in my life did this to me and I can live without them." Dean patted my shoulder.

I realized how cute he was then, he had dark hair and tan skin with green eyes. I thought I could see so many freckles on his face, but I didn't want him to see me stare at him. Just then I became aware how I must look to him. Hair all messy from sleep; and my clothes with dirt stains. I could smell my own breath, but he didn't seem to mind. He sat close to me and listened to me with all of his attention. It was like I was the only thing in the world.

This made me feel both happy and uneasy. I didn't know if I wanted another friend like Lucifer, however I couldn't push away everyone that tried to be friendly to me.

"Do you want to go watch a movie today?"

I start to say so, money was too tight for me to go and see a movie.

"My treat."

I don't know if he took me on as a charity case, to just make sure I wasn't going to go over the deep, or if he actually wanted to be my friend. But somewhere along the way we became more than friends. We had a profound bond. Dean looked up at me from the curb, "Want to watch a movie? My treat."

I smiled at him and we walked towards the theater.

Sometimes I have trouble looking back into the past, but then I remember it's the past. Whatever happened has happened. I can't change anything about it. But I change my future.


End file.
